Jul 24, 2009

Lost and found in July..

It's about 4.10 am on Monday morning in a village where there's no electricity 31 years ago. We just had the kerosene lamp in the house.

Mom hadn't told me the details of my birth but she told me that she had a retained placenta soon after I was being born. She had the chance to look at my hand, not my face before she collapsed. Later, villagers came to the house and brought her to the hospital which was about 20km from our home. She lost her blood heavily. Unconscious all the way to the hospital.

I couldn't remember anything as I was a baby. Mom said I was the heaviest kid, almost reached 4 kg. She admitted for one week and still weak. I stayed at the house while my adopted parents who were our neighbors and mom's friends kept coming to look after me. I even had my 'ibu susuan' and called her 'mak' and her husband 'ayah'. They were no longer alive these days. Both of them died in the same year with my own biological father. In fact, they were all best friends.

The day my adopted father died mom called me. It was Friday afternoon. She just said, "Ela, ayah Sam hang dah tak dak!". I knew my own dad and him were very sick at the same time. He passed away on 6th July 2001, while my dad followed him too 10 days after on Monday morning. It was silence and I could feel that mom was feeling so sad, the way I did. Not long after that I lost my adopted mom too. Within 100 days since my adopted father died.

I celebrated my birthday that year in sorrow. I felt (and still) so empty and lost. My sister who was born in the same month also felt the same way too. She was 15 and was a candidate for one of the major examinations in school. I didn't know how she managed to get through it. It must be hard for her.

But God has a better plan for me. He sent a soulmate to me when I lost all my loved ones. It wasn't a replacement as nobody could replace my parents but at least his existence had eased me a bit. He was the 1st to hear the news from my sister. He was there to console and talk to me. We just chatted. I talked a lot and he just listened. There's a day he sent me to Puduraya so that I could go home when my father was dying. He waited until I got up on the bus, lending me his sweater while he went home without it in the middle of the cold night.

Indeed, July means so much to me. No one could ever remove those sad memories when July comes every year. Month to be remembered a lot. Month of lost and found. Month that I was born (until jeopardizing my mom's life), lost so many people that I love and found my sweetheart.

It takes a lot of courages to go on. I just hope that future will bring me great deeds, great health, great life ahead, great husband and great children, insyaAllah. May He blesses us in our journey through life. Al-Fatihah for those who had gone to the next phase of life.

Some old pictures of them:

My dad and I. I loved to wear short pant when I was little. "I miss playing with you and talk to you, daddy".

My adopted father on left, Pak Lang in the middle, Pak Njang Imas on right (deceased too). Posing in front of my parents' bungalow.

My adopted mother on right, Nyai in the middle, hidden - my late grandmother. Mak Lang on the left. All have passed away except for Mak Lang.

p.s. : I'll usually wait until 4 am to wish myself a happy birthday. Berbisik dan bermuhasabah tentang apa yang telah dilakukan dan mengharapkan masa depan yang lebih baik. Well I don't expect for a surprise or present. But if you want to give, I'd prefer gadgets (no wonder la kan 2-3 hari ni dok ngidam gadgets especially White MacBook tu :P). Hahahah..


a.z.r.i.n.a.03.07 said...

Happy Birthday To You...Happy Birthday To You...Happy Birthday to Suealeen.... Happy Birthday to you... (kena nyanyi!!)..

Semoga dipanjangkan umo serta dimurahkan rezeki dari Yang Maha Kuasa..

Dan juga impian menjadi kenyataan...(gadget yg diimpianler.. )

mirah said...

selamat hari lahir k sue. Moga dipanjangkan umur, dimurahkan rezeki, juga sentiasa dalam rahmat Allah jua.

Kita berkongsi bulan lahir rupanya ya :)

Jiey^Mien said...

Kak Sue, akak kongsi tarikh lahir ngan hubby Jiey..

Happy birthday.. =)

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Happy Birthday Sue! May your life is filled with all greatness in life - great love, great health and happiness :)

Mama Qaseh said...

Semoga pjg umur n dimurahkan rezeki..amin..

Christina Arissa said...

Happy birthday suealeen...
Wah nostalgik sungguh...

| Krsty Pinky | said...

Hepi besday kak ela...:)

~:|:sara:|:~ said...

Happy Bufday Sista!
Moga dimurahkan rezki & dikurniakn kebahagiaan di dunia & akhirat sana..

Ada hikmah disebalik kejadian...

*nyway, aku mmg down sgt masa tu, p sek pn aku x mau..smp cikgu call pujuk!hilang smgt nk xm & sglanya..time tu lg sbln stgh nk trial..

wina said...

happy bday kak sue :-) may allah bless u n family
very nostalgic pics n al-fatihah 2 ur loved ones

azrina said...

happy besday, semoga tuhan emberi kerberkatan dan rezeki yang murah..amin

sya said...

happy birthday kak sue...
patut lah berangan beberapa hari ni ye? :P

semoga murah rezeki sekeluarga.. :)

Sarah said...

Happy Birthday!

qaseh said...

hepi birthday... may Allah bless u all the way... aminnnnn

Dayah said...

kakSue..hope is not too late to wish u happy birthday my dear sis !!

ummiRH said...

hmm.. syahdu..
semoga bahagia bahagia bahagia hingga ke syurga ;)
suka la menengok gambar klasik gitu...

suealeen said...

Tak larat nak nyanyi. Sora serak cam Wohnen. TQ..

Bilakah tarikh kelahiranmu wahai cik adik?

Bagi hadiah apa kat cik hubby?

Dalam Dakapan Ibu:
Thanks kak.. hope greatness will be with you too.

Mama Qaseh:
Ameen.. moga doa makbul.

Christina Arissa:
Banyak nostalgia yang sedih.. :(

| Krsty Pinky |:
TQ.. jom pi main bowling ari ni.

It’s hard for all of us. Hang lagi la nak exam kan.. Aku plak ngam² 3 months probation period masa ayah meninggal tu. Tiap kali ingat.. mesti nangis sampai hari ni.

Indeed, they’re nostalgic and Al-Fatihah for those who have RIP.

Ameen.. moga doa makbul.

Berangan dan kasi hint kat orang supaya bagi present.. hahaha...

Thank you, dear..

Ameen.. tq.

Tak lewat la.. bulan depan ada satu lagi. Bulan hijrah plak.. hehehe..

InsyaAllah bahagia.. gambar camtu tak jemu dan best tengok kan..

Sa Rathisa. said...

happy birtday 2 u, happy birthday 2 u,,happy birthday 2 kak ella...May Allah bless u... n succes in wat ever u did.

Sa Rathisa. said...

jelous la kak ada lg pic ms kecik2...
Sa x ada...mak sa ckp sa suka 'makan' gbr...skg nyesal! 2 la bdendam ng pic...Bila dah besar org panggil ratu gambar...x keje lain...ambik gmbr ...cuci..tiap2 bln smp habis duit sekolah

suealeen said...

Sa Rathisa:
TQ Sa... Akak sampai besar pun tak suka bergambar... hehehe... Gambar masa kecil masih elok tersimpan dalam album ni. Tu tak masuk kat orang lain lagi...

mirah said...

on 29th ni. Tp dah dapat surat awal tadi kena pergi seminar pulak..huhu..

suealeen said...

Tak pe.. akak wish awal².. hehehe.. happy birthday!


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