Lost and found in July..

It's about 4.10 am on Monday morning in a village where there's no electricity 31 years ago. We just had the kerosene lamp in the house.

Mom hadn't told me the details of my birth but she told me that she had a retained placenta soon after I was being born. She had the chance to look at my hand, not my face before she collapsed. Later, villagers came to the house and brought her to the hospital which was about 20km from our home. She lost her blood heavily. Unconscious all the way to the hospital.

I couldn't remember anything as I was a baby. Mom said I was the heaviest kid, almost reached 4 kg. She admitted for one week and still weak. I stayed at the house while my adopted parents who were our neighbors and mom's friends kept coming to look after me. I even had my 'ibu susuan' and called her 'mak' and her husband 'ayah'. They were no longer alive these days. Both of them died in the same year with my own biological father. In fact, they were all best friends.

The day my adopted father died mom called me. It was Friday afternoon. She just said, "Ela, ayah Sam hang dah tak dak!". I knew my own dad and him were very sick at the same time. He passed away on 6th July 2001, while my dad followed him too 10 days after on Monday morning. It was silence and I could feel that mom was feeling so sad, the way I did. Not long after that I lost my adopted mom too. Within 100 days since my adopted father died.

I celebrated my birthday that year in sorrow. I felt (and still) so empty and lost. My sister who was born in the same month also felt the same way too. She was 15 and was a candidate for one of the major examinations in school. I didn't know how she managed to get through it. It must be hard for her.

But God has a better plan for me. He sent a soulmate to me when I lost all my loved ones. It wasn't a replacement as nobody could replace my parents but at least his existence had eased me a bit. He was the 1st to hear the news from my sister. He was there to console and talk to me. We just chatted. I talked a lot and he just listened. There's a day he sent me to Puduraya so that I could go home when my father was dying. He waited until I got up on the bus, lending me his sweater while he went home without it in the middle of the cold night.

Indeed, July means so much to me. No one could ever remove those sad memories when July comes every year. Month to be remembered a lot. Month of lost and found. Month that I was born (until jeopardizing my mom's life), lost so many people that I love and found my sweetheart.

It takes a lot of courages to go on. I just hope that future will bring me great deeds, great health, great life ahead, great husband and great children, insyaAllah. May He blesses us in our journey through life. Al-Fatihah for those who had gone to the next phase of life.

Some old pictures of them:


My dad and I. I loved to wear short pant when I was little. "I miss playing with you and talk to you, daddy".


My adopted father on left, Pak Lang in the middle, Pak Njang Imas on right (deceased too). Posing in front of my parents' bungalow.


My adopted mother on right, Nyai in the middle, hidden - my late grandmother. Mak Lang on the left. All have passed away except for Mak Lang.







p.s. : I'll usually wait until 4 am to wish myself a happy birthday. Berbisik dan bermuhasabah tentang apa yang telah dilakukan dan mengharapkan masa depan yang lebih baik. Well I don't expect for a surprise or present. But if you want to give, I'd prefer gadgets (no wonder la kan 2-3 hari ni dok ngidam gadgets especially White MacBook tu :P). Hahahah..